Wednesday, December 07, 2005
All Torts all the Time
Although Torts textbooks are full of fascinating negligence cases that relate the travails of hospital visitors beheaded by malfunctioning elevators, lamp post-bound drivers distracted by naked bungee jumpers, and most famously, unsuspecting railroad passengers maimed by the detonation of explosives-laden luggage, most lawyers I speak to tell me they haven't had much use for the principles and theories of Torts in their daily practice.
But as I enter my final week of Torts, I'm pleased to be able to point out at least two real-world applications that have made this entire exercise worthwhile:
1. When choosing a hospital, particularly if you intend to be medically malpracticed upon by your physician, be sure to select an institution incorporated as a for-profit entity rather than a charitable organization. Hospitals in the latter category are statutorily protected by nasty little devices known as immunity caps, which prevent you from squeezing every last dollar from the well-lined pockets of the vicariously tortious hospital's insurance company as compensation for your suffering from the surprisingly broad range of real and quasi injuries judiciously documented by your enterprising emergency transportation vehicle-pursuing attorney.
2. For those of you living in New York State: when purchasing prescriptions drugs or medical devices, avoid your local mom and pop-type pharmacy. By satisfying your pharmaceutical needs at a branch of one of the behemoth drugstore chains, you can take comfort in the knowledge that, should one of the products you bought turn out to be both defective and manufactured by an out-of-state company that's fled to the Cayman Islands, you can sue your heavily indemnified drug retailer for wantonly selling you that "guaranteed-relief" hemorrhoid applicator that caused your left ear to fall off.
-LSD
But as I enter my final week of Torts, I'm pleased to be able to point out at least two real-world applications that have made this entire exercise worthwhile:
1. When choosing a hospital, particularly if you intend to be medically malpracticed upon by your physician, be sure to select an institution incorporated as a for-profit entity rather than a charitable organization. Hospitals in the latter category are statutorily protected by nasty little devices known as immunity caps, which prevent you from squeezing every last dollar from the well-lined pockets of the vicariously tortious hospital's insurance company as compensation for your suffering from the surprisingly broad range of real and quasi injuries judiciously documented by your enterprising emergency transportation vehicle-pursuing attorney.
2. For those of you living in New York State: when purchasing prescriptions drugs or medical devices, avoid your local mom and pop-type pharmacy. By satisfying your pharmaceutical needs at a branch of one of the behemoth drugstore chains, you can take comfort in the knowledge that, should one of the products you bought turn out to be both defective and manufactured by an out-of-state company that's fled to the Cayman Islands, you can sue your heavily indemnified drug retailer for wantonly selling you that "guaranteed-relief" hemorrhoid applicator that caused your left ear to fall off.
-LSD
# posted by goldstar @ 4:08 PM 
