Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Move Over Red Bull
My mate Itai handed me a can of Kabbalah Energy Drink this afternoon. I downed it three hours ago and I'm still buzzing. Sure you are, I hear you say, that's what happens when you ingest 100mg of caffeine in a single shot. Fair enough - but I'm also feeling an unexpected sense of spiritual renewal and inner harmony. Maybe it's time for a closer look at the ingredients (courtesy of the beverage maker's helpful website):
1. Kabbalah water. This holy H2O is purported to be "extremely pure" (courtesy of tautologies.com) mountain spring water, reknowned for its healing and restorative properties. But I still have to wonder, what differentiates a kabbalistic mountain spring from your everyday geyser? Perhaps it's a matter of dunking in a) some beard hair from your local Kabbalist ; or b) one of Madonna's pubes?
2. Glucuronolactone. A naturally occuring metabolite (is that really a word?) that supposedly helps "accelerate and eliminate harmful sustances found in the body." Clearly that hasn't happened yet in my case - how else to explain that gross Maddona reference I just let fly?
3. Taurine. Supposedly a "very important amino acid involved in a large number of metabolic processes." But we all know that's really Jew-code for "blood of newborn Christian babes."
Back to the Kool-Aid for me, I think.
-LSD
1. Kabbalah water. This holy H2O is purported to be "extremely pure" (courtesy of tautologies.com) mountain spring water, reknowned for its healing and restorative properties. But I still have to wonder, what differentiates a kabbalistic mountain spring from your everyday geyser? Perhaps it's a matter of dunking in a) some beard hair from your local Kabbalist ; or b) one of Madonna's pubes?
2. Glucuronolactone. A naturally occuring metabolite (is that really a word?) that supposedly helps "accelerate and eliminate harmful sustances found in the body." Clearly that hasn't happened yet in my case - how else to explain that gross Maddona reference I just let fly?
3. Taurine. Supposedly a "very important amino acid involved in a large number of metabolic processes." But we all know that's really Jew-code for "blood of newborn Christian babes."
Back to the Kool-Aid for me, I think.
-LSD
Friday, February 10, 2006
Ethan's Now the MAN!
For those who haven't seen this, it's quite something. Remember the days when barmitzvah presents consisted of Solemn Tomes Every Jewish Boy Should Have, the obligatory pairs of cufflinks, and a pile of cheques?
This ups the ante a tad.
http://www.serialdigitalpost.com/starmitzvah.html
Clear proof that the Jews control Hollywood. Watch as your favourite stars trot out the smattering of Jewish knowledge they retained from their Hebrew school days. Thrill as Drew Barrymoore plunges head first into ditziness on an epic scale. Marvel as Pierce Brosnan sheds whatever vestiges of dignity he once had.
Who knew that Jack Black is really Yaakov ben Yitzchak?
-LSD
This ups the ante a tad.
http://www.serialdigitalpost.com/starmitzvah.html
Clear proof that the Jews control Hollywood. Watch as your favourite stars trot out the smattering of Jewish knowledge they retained from their Hebrew school days. Thrill as Drew Barrymoore plunges head first into ditziness on an epic scale. Marvel as Pierce Brosnan sheds whatever vestiges of dignity he once had.
Who knew that Jack Black is really Yaakov ben Yitzchak?
-LSD
Monday, February 06, 2006
Some of My Best Friends are Heretics
Last evening turned out not to be a total loss after all. Firstly, Super Bowl XL was by most reports a mediocre contest, featuring an equally mediocre performance by the Rolling Stones during half time.
Secondly, I met the Godol Hador. (No, not Jon Stewart - though a solid performance hosting the Oscars later this month should confirm his place in the pantheon of Jewish cultural idols.)
I'm actually referring to an old friend who's established quite a name for himself among the Ortho-skeptics of the Blogosphere. His blog, Not the Godol Hador, made the top 10 in the Best Jewish Religion Blog category of the Jerusalem Post-sponsored 2005 Jewish and Israeli Blog Awards.
OK, it's not quite the Pulitzer, but 300,000 hits in the past 12 months are testament to his provocative, informed musings on inyanei d'yoma in the Orthodox world.
-LSD
Secondly, I met the Godol Hador. (No, not Jon Stewart - though a solid performance hosting the Oscars later this month should confirm his place in the pantheon of Jewish cultural idols.)
I'm actually referring to an old friend who's established quite a name for himself among the Ortho-skeptics of the Blogosphere. His blog, Not the Godol Hador, made the top 10 in the Best Jewish Religion Blog category of the Jerusalem Post-sponsored 2005 Jewish and Israeli Blog Awards.
OK, it's not quite the Pulitzer, but 300,000 hits in the past 12 months are testament to his provocative, informed musings on inyanei d'yoma in the Orthodox world.
-LSD
