Law School Dad

My mate Itai handed me a can of Kabbalah Energy Drink this afternoon. I downed it three hours ago and I'm still buzzing. Sure you are, I hear you say, that's what happens when you ingest 100mg of caffeine in a single shot. Fair enough - but I'm also feeling an unexpected sense of spiritual renewal and inner harmony. Maybe it's time for a closer look at the ingredients (courtesy of the beverage maker's helpful website):

1. Kabbalah water. This holy H2O is purported to be "extremely pure" (courtesy of tautologies.com) mountain spring water, reknowned for its healing and restorative properties. But I still have to wonder, what differentiates a kabbalistic mountain spring from your everyday geyser? Perhaps it's a matter of dunking in a) some beard hair from your local Kabbalist ; or b) one of Madonna's pubes?

2. Glucuronolactone. A naturally occuring metabolite (is that really a word?) that supposedly helps "accelerate and eliminate harmful sustances found in the body." Clearly that hasn't happened yet in my case - how else to explain that gross Maddona reference I just let fly?

3. Taurine. Supposedly a "very important amino acid involved in a large number of metabolic processes." But we all know that's really Jew-code for "blood of newborn Christian babes."

Back to the Kool-Aid for me, I think.

-LSD